10-06-2013, 02:09 AM
I think more people should like you poems. I would but I too afraid of dying, or is that masturbating? At a certain age , one is much the same as the other!
Despite the fact that you protest to having 4th world accommodations, yet retain 1st world telecommunications, I do think the going to pee outside automatically causes the reader to wonder about why that is, and throws them out of the poem. I do think you should retain the peeing outside, I just think you should find a clever way around the problem.
What is really nice about this piece is that, while it is merely satire to some, it is reality for others! A twofer!
Dale
Despite the fact that you protest to having 4th world accommodations, yet retain 1st world telecommunications, I do think the going to pee outside automatically causes the reader to wonder about why that is, and throws them out of the poem. I do think you should retain the peeing outside, I just think you should find a clever way around the problem.
What is really nice about this piece is that, while it is merely satire to some, it is reality for others! A twofer!
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.