Death and Dying

[Jeffrey Gibson]

I am trying to figure out why you think that this is a poem where you show a reader what you feel rather than a standard level and not very interesting journal entry where you tell a reader what you feel.

The constant use of the first person pronoun is off putting and shuts a reader out of what you write. Why?

To quote a moderator on the PFFA website who responded to something very much along the lines of your submission, it's because:

... it fails to engage the reader. Imagine you were sitting on a park bench and someone sat down next to you, opened a casual conversation, then started this gush, sent a steady stream of "me/me/me/my/my/my/I/I/I"; you would not feel as though you were needed, nor your own thoughtful replies welcome-- you would not likely be interested. A good poem is like a picture that makes you feel as though you would like to step into it, not like you are walking into a home and finding a hundred framed and enlarged portraits of the host in all poses. http://www.everypoet.org/pffa/showthread...ray-Matter&p=604940#post604940

I think you would greatly benefit from reading Howard Miller's "Poetry is Experience: The Writer's Responsibility" found here:

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and especially from reading Walt McDonald's essay "Advice I wish I had Been Told." found here:

link removed. This resource is actually already available on this site.

Jeffrey