10-04-2013, 05:01 PM
Todd,
I have no idea what the title has to do with the poem, and I feel there is something being alluded to in the last sentence that I am not getting. I am also confused about the chronology in the first part.
"Before the bomb, we were safe..."
What follows is evidently an allusion to Lewis' book "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". If I remember correctly it was because of the bombing that the children were sent to the country, which is where they discovered the land of Narnia. They were not safe there and then a bomb came. I am assuming you are making some other point which has to do with this Ralph person, but I am at a loss to understand what the connection is, and what you are trying to imply. I do not know if there is a lack in the poem, or if I am just to dense to get the connection. I guess you will have to tell me, for I am currently at a complete loss. I do suspect there is some cynicism related to "talking beats" and eating "pig", otherwise you would have said pork.
In terms of the writing, I generally have no problems, it is smooth, even handed, and reads easily. The only thing that stuck out is that
"the heartbeat of the world"
seems a bit trite, although that could be because of the similarity to the "heartbeat of America" phrase used in Chevy commercials.
Dale
I have no idea what the title has to do with the poem, and I feel there is something being alluded to in the last sentence that I am not getting. I am also confused about the chronology in the first part.
"Before the bomb, we were safe..."
What follows is evidently an allusion to Lewis' book "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". If I remember correctly it was because of the bombing that the children were sent to the country, which is where they discovered the land of Narnia. They were not safe there and then a bomb came. I am assuming you are making some other point which has to do with this Ralph person, but I am at a loss to understand what the connection is, and what you are trying to imply. I do not know if there is a lack in the poem, or if I am just to dense to get the connection. I guess you will have to tell me, for I am currently at a complete loss. I do suspect there is some cynicism related to "talking beats" and eating "pig", otherwise you would have said pork.
In terms of the writing, I generally have no problems, it is smooth, even handed, and reads easily. The only thing that stuck out is that
"the heartbeat of the world"
seems a bit trite, although that could be because of the similarity to the "heartbeat of America" phrase used in Chevy commercials.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.