Revision
This isn't the first time
you've evacuated children.
Before the bomb, we were safe
inside closets of snowy forest
with our talking lion;
the beast always talks.
We were much the same
as those before.
We collected sea shells, danced
to the heartbeat of the world,
and dreamed of our parents'
tables; for want of Turkish delight...
we ate pig.
~~~
Edits: punctuation after tables, strophe break, and replaced a comma with an ellipses. I generally hate that form of punctuation in poetry and could be pressured to return to the comma, but I think it might be right in this case.
The larger issues raised about parents' tables or heartbeat of the world will require some more thought (I'm slow in that regard)
Thoughts?
Edit R2: lacking Turkish delight idea is pretty brilliant and brings closure to one of the narrative threads. Thank you Leanne. Let's try it out.
Original
This isn't the first time
you've evacuated children.
Before the bomb, we were safe
inside closets of snowy forest
with our talking lion;
the beast always talks.
We were much the same
as those before.
We collected sea shells, danced
to the heartbeat of the world,
and dreamed of our parents'
tables, when hungry,
we ate pig.
This isn't the first time
you've evacuated children.
Before the bomb, we were safe
inside closets of snowy forest
with our talking lion;
the beast always talks.
We were much the same
as those before.
We collected sea shells, danced
to the heartbeat of the world,
and dreamed of our parents'
tables; for want of Turkish delight...
we ate pig.
~~~
Edits: punctuation after tables, strophe break, and replaced a comma with an ellipses. I generally hate that form of punctuation in poetry and could be pressured to return to the comma, but I think it might be right in this case.
The larger issues raised about parents' tables or heartbeat of the world will require some more thought (I'm slow in that regard)
Thoughts?
Edit R2: lacking Turkish delight idea is pretty brilliant and brings closure to one of the narrative threads. Thank you Leanne. Let's try it out.
Original
This isn't the first time
you've evacuated children.
Before the bomb, we were safe
inside closets of snowy forest
with our talking lion;
the beast always talks.
We were much the same
as those before.
We collected sea shells, danced
to the heartbeat of the world,
and dreamed of our parents'
tables, when hungry,
we ate pig.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson