Raped Dreams

[Erthona]

This seems more or less written in ballad meter (a line of iambic tetrameter followed by a line of iambic trimeter). There are a few bumpy parts, I will make suggestions to get you back in place, so to speak.
----------------------------------------------------
"This searing pain that launched into my ribs
and sliced me through."

-to-

"This searing pain that launched into
my ribs and sliced me through."

-----------------------------------------------------------



"I have you no reprieve"

-to-

For you I've no reprieve

-------------------------------------------
"I hope she rapes your dreams
and spits into your lying eyes"

-to-

"I hope she rapes your dreams and spits
into your lying eyes"
-------------------------------------------

I think that gets everything into it's correct place.

Dale