10-01-2013, 03:08 PM
Ok, said I would come back, so here I am with my pitiful comments. I have to agree that the first line is awkward, and I would do it "The first flakes were not white, but red"---to me this makes the reader comfortable at first with white flakes, we know what they are, but then you change them to red and it builds the drama.
The second and third stanzas....well I would not change a thing about those; they absolutely sing when read aloud. Ending may be a tad weak, but not sure.
It's difficult to critique something that is nearly perfect. What can I say, I just love it!
bena
The second and third stanzas....well I would not change a thing about those; they absolutely sing when read aloud. Ending may be a tad weak, but not sure.
It's difficult to critique something that is nearly perfect. What can I say, I just love it!
bena