Awaiting the Storm

[metalfan91]

91,

Generally when poets use images, metaphors, etc., it is to relate something difficult to describe that exists in experience. Here you use apocalyptic images to describe a fantasy that exist only for you. What you are trying here is different than when a poet uses such scenes. There is subtext when a poet uses the fantastic, he is not using it just to tell a fantastic tale. This technique is often used to get below people's defenses or prejudices in order that they may be receptive to the idea that is being promoted (analogy or allegory). This is true of Le Guin stories, as she explores various aspects of the human condition such as human sexuality and feminism in "Left Hand of Darkness". What is absent in your poem is this kind of subtext, it lacks the depth that makes LeGuin's stories interesting.
Song lyrics are generally held to a lesser standard than are poems, as it is often alright just to create image sketches, or be mysteriously ambiguous with lyrics as the music helps to fill in the blanks. Poetry needs to be more as it does not have the music to give it an emotional/or intellectual tone. There is no driving beat to generate energy. The words of the poem must be sufficient for these things as it has no music to lean on. Don't get me wrong, I have great respect for lyrics, but they have a different set of responsibilities to fulfill (especially today), and ultimately they must be subservient to the music. A poem is self-contained.

Dale

I don't disagree with anything you said, in fact that is a great analysis and summary. Like previously mentioned, these are lyrics and posted as such to get feedback and edit this with more poetic qualities. Also, I think you gave good advice. Thanks for the "Left Hand of Darkness" reference, I'll have to check it out.