Cry for Help

[addy]

This must have been really tough to write. Kudos.

I wear my disguise
Till I arrive at my house
Later at night
Where I dim the lights
Low, I like how you did this in its own line
Close the blinds

Then break down and cry
The flowing tears hitting the paper
Echoing through out the room
The words you said to me
Paralyzing my mind

Sending animosity through my bones
Leaving insecurities that show on my face a little telly... you can compress it using images "misery cracking through my bones, my face"
A constant on going battle between
The thoughts that are overpowering my brain
And what I`m trying to avoid feeling in my heart these last two lines seem long. Again, show, don't tell.

The plastic smile fades deep into the dark room
No make up, but a covered alter ego
That escapes when I detach myself from
reality, doesn't need its own line
and I become who I really am
when no one is around
to criticize me being the last lines, try to make them stand out ("when no one is around _ to see _ the ugly me")

Thank you for the poem, LB.

P.S. I noticed that a lot of your poems seemed really personal. Maybe you'd rather post some of it in the Mild Critique section instead? In the serious critique section, I worry that you might feel too much like we're trying to tell you how to write your poem. Maybe you might feel discouraged or unduly pressured, when your primary purpose is to really express yourself through poetry. I myself post to the mild critique section... you get the same kind of constructive criticism, without the comments sounding too 'nitpicky'.

Never mind if I'm misinterpreting, though