Memory of Baptism

[billy]

NOTE: I recycled "Sermon" into this one, although I'll still probably keep it. I know, another religious one, but it's for highschool, so mercy!
Fire away.


after she gave birth
my mother took me to be born........... i like these two lines

to a hospital of pews
and not beds........................................ is this line needed?
frankincense instead
of disinfectants
and bent statuettes
which crowded solemn walls
marking the absence of .....are the last four lines of this stanza
hanging PHDS...................needed?
or any trace of
medical machinery.

but the doctor did wear.............is but needed, wore instead of did wear
a traditional white
and in the april light............April
that leaked through
the stained glass windows...........is the needed
he looked like id imagine................[I'd]
a ghost would
nearly transparent...........so you mean translucent then
in the purifying sun

my parents spoke only
"lawrence, lawrence"..........Lawrence
to him, and he smiled ...........to who?
above his folded palms
before opening them in water
and blessing me...
that's the extent............you couldn't remember that, sorry
of my memory...............so it has to be asked, are the last two lines needed?

nicely done
i really liked;

a traditional white
and in the april light
that leaked through
the stained glass windows

as well as the first two line.

i get the health of the soul thing but i think it goes a little overboard telling us. it leaves little for us to imagine.
with a bit of an edit i think it's one of those that can shine.

thanks for the post larry