09-28-2013, 04:15 PM
NewJerseyMan99,
Thanks for your comments.
"The "fat people sex on a hot night" line made me very sick to my stomach, and I don't think I'm the only one that would react this way. Is that really how you want to affect the audience?"
Yeah, I'm OK with that reaction. The image foreshadows the earthy/grotesque carnality that characterizes the purgatory, or hell that will be described. That it creates such a visceral reaction seems a positive to me.
Thanks again for your thoughtful comments, whether or not I agree with them, they still prod me into examining my rationale for the individual parts of the poem.
Dale
Thanks for your comments.
"The "fat people sex on a hot night" line made me very sick to my stomach, and I don't think I'm the only one that would react this way. Is that really how you want to affect the audience?"
Yeah, I'm OK with that reaction. The image foreshadows the earthy/grotesque carnality that characterizes the purgatory, or hell that will be described. That it creates such a visceral reaction seems a positive to me.
Thanks again for your thoughtful comments, whether or not I agree with them, they still prod me into examining my rationale for the individual parts of the poem.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.