Solenopsis (version 2, ChristopherSea)

[milo]

Version 2 (pher-o-moned):

My reckless foot uncovers butter-hued
caviar, cached in chambered soil. Thorn-jawed
soldiers advance, their mound blushing. Imbued
with pheromoned rage, the garnet pseudopod
swarms up my leg and wreaks a stinging pox.
I dance, spout smut, and brush them off my socks.

for me, much of the phrasing seeks only to obfuscate the image without correlating back to any central metaphor.

Examples:

butter-hued caviar? - you found fish eggs? no o o o you found ant eggs, you present caviar as an image, but it is making the phrasing more complex without adding anything. I search the rest of the poem for some alternate meaning or reason for calling ant eggs caviar and can't find it. Disappointing.

"garnet pseudopod"
"pheromoned rage"
"thorn-jawed"

all of these seem like pointlessly complicating and distracting rather than being additive and saying more with less like good poetry should.

Thanks for posting.