Cold

[Todd]

Hi, welcome to the site! While I think you can develop some of this for the sake of rhyme you've adopted an odd syntax that feels unnatural.

A couple specific call outs and comments:

L2: felt the shadows instead of the shadows felt

L3: leaving the article out before door feels forced

L4: even more feels like a bit of filler to force the rhyme

L5: wind's prey is actually a cool idea that could be developed

L7: In light of torches feels a bit wordy and in should probably be by or by torchlight...

L8: corridor is the most glaring forced rhyme. It needs an article to come off even remotely natural.

L10: Feel should probably be felt again unless you clean up the syntax.

L11-12: The repetition adds very little

L13: warmness should probably be warmth

You have an idea you could develop. I think it just needs to be adjusted to normal syntax, and have less forced rhyme to be effective.

I hope some of that was helpful.

Best,

Todd

Edit.1
On castle stone-bricks dull and old
felt the shadows very cold.

Then they opened nearby door -
it got colder even more.
All the warmness was winds prey,
so the shadows ran away.


**
In light of torches by the door
at the end of corridor
on castle stone-bricks dull and old
feel the shadows very cold.

And when you open the said door
it is colder even more.
All the warmness wind will flay,
so the shadows run away.