Bloodletting

[Todd]

Hi makeshift,

There's an awful lot that I like here. You have some really cohesive, natural imagery. A couple minor issues that I had noted below:

I want to collapse,
and seep between atoms--atoms to me just feels too scientific for the rest of the image. It could just be me.
like mountain mist
shifting through valleys, before
sinking to vaporous oceans.

I want nature to scream, and--the and doesn't make a great break. This is a solid line followed up by the lightning strike. Consider ending the line on scream.
strike me with her lighting,
so that I might split
like a backyard tree.--love that. Such a nice progression to this point

Smear me across a thousand miles.
I want to be windswept,
and faceless.

I want nothing,
and everything.

I want disintegration.

Exhale —--I also love the way you ended this with your breaks giving the sense of the speaker discorporating into breath.

I enjoyed this read. I hope some of the comments were helpful.

Best,

Todd