09-24-2013, 08:28 AM
hi malu.
the 1st line is pretty much cliche. [the Cascades had a hit with Rhythm of the Rain.] in such a short poem any cliche is one too much.
cries of the forest might just escape being cliche.
beside that the poem though short doesn't have a single image.
the line of lyrics to the song above is
"Listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain"
which hold an image a certain type of rain, how it creates noise etc. it can be pictured.
so can your first line but the reader has to create the image. the poet needs to write the image image down so the reader sees what they see.
the question the reader wants to know of each of the 1st 4 lines is; what kind or type?
the 1st line is pretty much cliche. [the Cascades had a hit with Rhythm of the Rain.] in such a short poem any cliche is one too much.
cries of the forest might just escape being cliche.
beside that the poem though short doesn't have a single image.
the line of lyrics to the song above is
"Listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain"
which hold an image a certain type of rain, how it creates noise etc. it can be pictured.
so can your first line but the reader has to create the image. the poet needs to write the image image down so the reader sees what they see.
the question the reader wants to know of each of the 1st 4 lines is; what kind or type?
(09-24-2013, 07:53 AM)Malu Wrote: Rhythm of the rainthe last line can be said much better in many ways.
Cries of the forest
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nature created me