Eternal sentinels

[cidermaid]

This one has me a bit stunned really. I am always so impressed with your ability and perception over picking up the little life details that make such powerful connections. This poem has such a tender aspect whilst at the same time it packs a powerful punch straight to the heart. The little things like this are always so important. Great write.

The cardboard teddy bear
had a yellow ribbon,
you learned to tie laces. Not sure i can put my finger on what exactly needs correcting but something feels off. it could be that the commar needs to be changed to a semi-colon. or perhaps it is the use of you. sorry a bit weak as advise goes.
He saved me from eye spots
and button pops,
when bending down to double knot. These last three lines have some great sounds and give me a solid image and story plot. Nice.

Your army boots had eighteen eyes,
some missing from the cleat,
no ears to listen for the click.
They brought your body back
the man said incomplete. No crits on this stanza in terms of words or content. commar after back?

Two years old,
we painted steps, Not sure the commar is needed here.
on laminated blue sheets, Don't realy like blue on this line, sorry can't explain why, except that i would be happier with it on the line above between painted and steps.
and when we hide you, underground, Also not convinced about the use of the commar after the. I get the idea of emphasising where but actually think that there is more punch with letting the reader flow here and the meaning carry the puch it this makes sense.
I’ll give you back your feet.

Overall I think that is is a great read. It carries so much that is relatable and touching and does so with a subtle touch. A sad and poignant picture. Thanks AJ.