Starved

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Starved

Leanne Offline

R.I.P.

Posts: 1,568
Threads: 317
Joined: Jun 2011

09-20-2013, 03:40 AM

Hi Yaz... yep, it's looking stronger. You could try "the scratch of the joking mistress" to get rid of an -ing repetition. What about "laughter (grating)"?

Great to see you workshopping!

It could be worse

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Messages In This Thread

Starved - by YazH - 09-18-2013, 01:10 AM

RE: Starved - by rowens - 09-18-2013, 02:18 AM

RE: Starved - by Leanne - 09-18-2013, 04:11 AM

RE: Starved - by Amulus - 09-19-2013, 03:52 AM

RE: Starved - by YazH - 09-20-2013, 12:00 AM

RE: Starved - by Leanne - 09-20-2013, 03:40 AM

RE: Starved - by bena - 09-20-2013, 06:01 PM

RE: Starved - by ChristopherSea - 09-20-2013, 07:23 PM

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