09-16-2013, 09:20 PM
I think I might do one more edit, because I want my old poem back. 
I think some of the new imagery is better, but maybe not.
dilated artery vs thin tubular tether.
I dumped it based on the too much alliteration, but I still see a thin tubular tether. I don't go looking for alliteration, I guess I just like the sounds of the words in my head and they come out that way. Any opinions on whether dilated artery is better or worse?
I took out leaden feet while weeding out cliches but is cement shoes just as bad or worse?
Yaaahhhh, I know this is why you are suggesting a break.
I think some of the new imagery is better, but maybe not. dilated artery vs thin tubular tether.
I dumped it based on the too much alliteration, but I still see a thin tubular tether. I don't go looking for alliteration, I guess I just like the sounds of the words in my head and they come out that way. Any opinions on whether dilated artery is better or worse?
I took out leaden feet while weeding out cliches but is cement shoes just as bad or worse?
Yaaahhhh, I know this is why you are suggesting a break.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips