Hi Nick, welcome to the site!
When I consider your poem, it thematically sort of shares a similar space to Jane Kenyon's "Notes From the Other Side" (not just because the line I like shares some of the words in the title of Kenyon's piece). I think the most interesting part of the poem is
I think if this we're mine. I'd want to ask what is the comfort that metaphor gives to people, or what is the crutch of understanding that metaphor brings. I think of Paul's comment about seeing through a glass darkly, but then entering a time where the limits that confine him no longer exist. This is the creative space that I think you could do more to explore.
The first two lines aren't a bad lead in for that idea either.
I didn't much see anything else that went much beyond the surface in the rest of the poem. I would suggest considering fleshing out the sections I mentioned more fully.
Just thoughts,
Todd
When I consider your poem, it thematically sort of shares a similar space to Jane Kenyon's "Notes From the Other Side" (not just because the line I like shares some of the words in the title of Kenyon's piece). I think the most interesting part of the poem is
Quote:Will there be no need
of metaphor
on the other side?
I think if this we're mine. I'd want to ask what is the comfort that metaphor gives to people, or what is the crutch of understanding that metaphor brings. I think of Paul's comment about seeing through a glass darkly, but then entering a time where the limits that confine him no longer exist. This is the creative space that I think you could do more to explore.
The first two lines aren't a bad lead in for that idea either.
I didn't much see anything else that went much beyond the surface in the rest of the poem. I would suggest considering fleshing out the sections I mentioned more fully.
Just thoughts,
Todd
(09-12-2013, 06:49 AM)Nick Wrote: How primitive
this working of the word
that a patch on the wound
of life
may be had
Inevitably
the suppurating sore
sloughs the bandage away
exposing again
tender, defenseless humanity
to driving, grating, blasting sand
that is physical existence
Will there be no need
of metaphor
on the other side?
I lay a bit more mud and straw wattle
upon this rent, burst, breathing body
and wait to learn
a healing truth
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson