09-16-2013, 12:08 AM
Love, a thread so fine
only luck has aimed it
through needle's eye,
Is a nice touch. The newest version has more elements of poetry for poetry's sake. It seems more artificial. Art, artificial, whatever. Some people prefer that.
The first version obviously was brimming with many easy targets for critical abuse. But I still think it sounded better, it felt better when I read it, and it had more character and more energy.
It's hard to say what to do with this. The first poem felt more genuine, and sounded better despite the obvious distraction of "tis love" for many people that read so much poetry all the time.
only luck has aimed it
through needle's eye,
Is a nice touch. The newest version has more elements of poetry for poetry's sake. It seems more artificial. Art, artificial, whatever. Some people prefer that.
The first version obviously was brimming with many easy targets for critical abuse. But I still think it sounded better, it felt better when I read it, and it had more character and more energy.
It's hard to say what to do with this. The first poem felt more genuine, and sounded better despite the obvious distraction of "tis love" for many people that read so much poetry all the time.