Madge - revised

[milo]

This may be one of those instances where it is better to let it sit for a bit.

'gin is pronounced "jin" no matter how you may want it pronounced. I think that is symptomatic with what is going wrong here - the whole poem is trapped in the writer's head with no room for the reader.

While there are some parts of the revision i liked, for the most part I found it had the same issues, many of them more pronounced, as the original.