09-13-2013, 03:55 AM
Hi Snowbells,
This ticked the box for amusing (As a rabid Christian no probs with this...it has a monty python, meaning of life esq feel to it - just good fun to my read. No offence found / no need for the conditioner on the title for me). Loved the steve / eve play at the end. I think G has a great sense of humour and you have a nice style, keep writing. Enjoyed this one.
One small comment (might be back to offer more - out of time for now) I don't mind clayish but you use it twice within the same stanza and I think this is too much. How about lumpy instead of the second clayish?
All the best AJ.
This ticked the box for amusing (As a rabid Christian no probs with this...it has a monty python, meaning of life esq feel to it - just good fun to my read. No offence found / no need for the conditioner on the title for me). Loved the steve / eve play at the end. I think G has a great sense of humour and you have a nice style, keep writing. Enjoyed this one.
One small comment (might be back to offer more - out of time for now) I don't mind clayish but you use it twice within the same stanza and I think this is too much. How about lumpy instead of the second clayish?
All the best AJ.