A Baptist Observes Mardi Gras

[ChristopherSea]

I know that the poem is not the poet, but the new title really helps clear it all up. Shedding light on a point of view is not the same as blessing it. Thinking of it as a babtist observation just lightens it up a little, whether you agree our not. And now we don't even need to decide whether we agree. There's no longer any need to argue with the poem.

Baptists will laugh chuckle and say "that's so true!", and others will laugh and say, "they really do think like that!"

Opinion is opinion, and calling it such let's us know that the author is not trying to brow beat us, or assume we agree, or even that he agrees, just saying "it's true, some people do think this way, and that's life, what can i say, whattya gonna do? You can change it."

Everybody knows that arguing with a baptist is pointless!

Agreed TrueE, your suggestion for the title is perfect and saved the piece on it's multiple edit slide from mocking crowd behavior to more of a preaching rant. Once all the screws are tightened on this, I may well sculpt it further into the creepy ream as you and rowens have suggested.

---

The zombies have awoken;
the harlequins don their caps.
They believe their foolish rites
will immortalize this night,

It's your poem, your voice, or your narrator's voice and perspective. I still don't think they care for immortalizing that night or most any night. Maybe sometimes. But that would just be part of their pettiness; maybe a Baptist would have that perspective about them though, and ridicule that pettiness if he was willing to give them that much thought, and most likely he wouldn't. So fine.

but the Gods will turn their backs
on this eve’s garish façade
and disavow these dark sheep
who vandalize the twilight.

Which Gods? The rhetorical, straw gods of some abstract paganism? Well, that's most likely the case anyway. The dark sheep would be appropriate rhetoric from a Baptist perspective. The self-righteous attitude that can't help but use his religious terminology even in describing what seems so far from his beliefs. An earlier version of this claims that God turns His back on these revellers as He does His own; which makes me think you're not totally in sync with the Baptist narrator, and that he's just an invention that came out of the multiple revisions. That, and the fact that you've admitted that several times. But I guess I should only critique one version at a time, though they all are relevant to your poem.




After feasting like gluttons
in anticipation of Lent,
they pilgrimage to nowhere
on a muddled anguine route

Feasting like gluttons is a common enough expression, the way it's worded, its meaning. Though they are gluttons. Maybe not all the time, so you're comparing them to constant gluttons. That's not a big deal. The word "After" and similar stage directions, I think, add a lot to the stiffness I talked about before. Then again, I've been paying little attention to whatever form this poem might be working with. Still, the words like "After" weaken it.



and lurch The Big-Uneasy
in ill-defined conga lines,
with no lucid purpose to
their neo-pagan orgy.

Lucid somehow comes through, but seems buried under so many negatives. Lucidity is the enemy, so the posh Baptist is correct, but merely correct.



They’ll dance the evening lifeless,
while shaking canes and rattles,
snaking along warm asphalt,
freeing spirits from bottles.

Purblind in amber beer light,
they seek some neon beacon,
stumbling into false temples
in which faith could never thrive.

Like many religious folk, this Baptist does his religion great injustice. Admitting that such a paltry neon advertised building could defeat faith. But the voice you've taken up works better for the tone of this. Creating the mouthpiece to do the dirty work seems to be the effort now.

Thanks for stopping back for another look rowens. I believe they are immortalizing the night/event in this sense, first it goes on for days and the police have to close down the event each night just to clear the streets for daily business to ensue, second they keep the tradition annually. The definition of immortalize is cause something to be remembered forever via ceremony, etc. Many begin thinking of next year's party and costume once this year's is over. I feel that I try to immortalize Christmas with all the traditions I go through and have passed on to my daughter and I don't even go to church. I also don't go dancing in a crowd with a santa suit on either, which is consistent with me attending a Mardi Gras or New Years Eve party, but not taking it to the streets.

You are right, I have vacillated between god and gods, as it is a Christian, pagan and agnostic celebration. I'll try to work on that stiffness once I set this framework and let it stew for a bit. Also, painting a more creepy feeling to the evening would be a next step, as both you and trueE have suggested.

Cheers/Chris