09-12-2013, 09:36 PM
(09-12-2013, 09:07 AM)billy Wrote: hi ellaQuestions for you. If "Tis love" is weak at the start, does it stay weak throughout the poem. Is "Tis" an unusable word, in your opinion. I certainly don't speak it, and have never written it before. Do you think love is weak and cliche as a subject, or just the way I've used it here. Must the subject be implied instead of spoken aloud?
the 1st line is weakened with 'tis, and with love, a suggestion would be to make the 1st line the 3rd, the 3rd line the 1st. a gentle kiss is solid inn your face cliche. lots of words can be used to represent gentle...feathered, pensive, etc. a use of images throughout the poem would lift it up a few levels.
Oh, and I tried the switch, still off.
As I am not paying you a cent, you are under no obligation to respond.
Good Morning
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips