*Sigh, catches breath

[Malu]

Hi,
The first stanza reads more like a list of emotions, rather than actual poetry. There's no imagery, no exploration of those emotions you list; why they're there, how they affect the narrator etc. The second and third stanza reads like flat statements, without giving any explanation on what is actually going on around the narrator. I'd suggest more showing and less telling, like you show in S4 L1-2. Just a few thoughts and JMHO of course.
Best,
LB

Yeah, that's pretty good advice, thanks!