09-11-2013, 09:51 PM
I was lost with this line: expression slips unconscious. and this one: terrified chants fill amber pants.....filling pants makes me think somebody pooped their pants? What are achilles steps....are stairs vulnerable....maybe it is the footfalls themselves that are vulnerable? Did somebody become unconscious? Did a child get stabbed? or a doll? Is the action going on upstairs? or at the dining room table. I am lost. Sorry....but I LOVE the last two lines, and (what I think) is the concept.....that chaos is just another normal evening in a house full of healthy, rowdy kids. The first four lines I saw easily and really liked. But the body of the poem didn't help me see the action....and I could not tell whether we are talking about something really beyond the pale in behavior, or just some boo'boos. Maybe it can be made more visual.