09-11-2013, 12:31 PM
@rowens: wow, thank you for such specific input! As you can see in my revision, I certainly agree with some of your suggestions. The 'mess' and fragments are deliberate. I've become a reactionary against my former ways: limerick, sonnet, and very wordsworthian pieces. I was also a method actor. Perhaps that sheds some light on things haha. The poem covers three specific events that are more tied to the narrator than to one another. By the third one, the narrator is on the frantic side and thereby less eloquent.
@scurryfunger: thanks for the input as well! it's actually about being bisexual and more hetero than you're willing to admit-- I promise that's a thing! Also, I changed the wording of fudge allusion to more specifically reflect the image I had in mind
@scurryfunger: thanks for the input as well! it's actually about being bisexual and more hetero than you're willing to admit-- I promise that's a thing! Also, I changed the wording of fudge allusion to more specifically reflect the image I had in mind