What I'll Do

[silverpoet]

Tonight, I'll lay myself to rest
Inside the empty cave beneath my breast;
An altar, sacristy and tomb
Carved out from bones and blood and flesh.

I'll fill it up with songs that burn
My eyes yet soothe my soul in turn;
And memories that ache against
My ribcage, where they beat and churn.

Then, in this hollow home I'll grieve
'Til new tissues, tendons interweave -
Because you take my heart with you
Every time you leave.

---

This is my first submission here, and the first poem I've written in a very long while. I would love encouragement, feedback, or constructive criticism.

I enjoyed this, the rhymes work and it feels like your hiding away, why not try a different approach with your last two lines, after all L2 sets up a home coming or end to the hiding. Best tOMH

This is an example of what I mean

Then, in this hollow home I'll grieve
'Til our tissued, tendons interweave -
and pull the grey from clouds inside,
burst bright lights on our reprieve.

Well something like that.

Thank you for the great feedback. I suppose the ending reflected my hopeless mood last night, but today I am feeling a bit more optimistic. How about something like this?

Then, in this hollow home I'll grieve
'Til new tissues, tendons interweave.
And so by morning light achieve
a heart no longer yours to thieve.

(perhaps that is too many rhyming lines)

Or

Then, in this hollow home I'll grieve
'Til new tissues, tendons interweave,
And so by morning's light I'll gain
a heart no longer yours to thieve.