09-10-2013, 05:50 PM
the poem is forced, the wordage and the rhyme feels manufactured instead of real.
try not to tell the story. try to show it with images.
My love and I on a Summer's day
Walked along a road I could not name
When two hooded figures came our way
And asked to play a game.
the above is a very weak opening verse. can it be shown in a better way?
try not to tell the story. try to show it with images.
My love and I on a Summer's day
Walked along a road I could not name
When two hooded figures came our way
And asked to play a game.
the above is a very weak opening verse. can it be shown in a better way?