09-10-2013, 02:06 PM
Thanks for all the feedback. I'd like to add some more details, I think I need some help on how to 'show not tell' Here's the newest version:
Through a biting cold rain
We climbed a seemingly endless
Myriad of rolling hills
And when the clouds broke
And the sun shone over the valley –
There were still miles to go
Miles of unknown land
Miles of indefinite adventure
The time spent in solitude was daunting
And the aching in my heels was almost unbearable
To keep pedaling was painful
To stop was unthinkable
Because the true measure of a man’s spirit
Is how he responds to those trialing times –
Does he look back, or does he move forward?
It’s only by choosing to carry on
That he discovers the true kindness
And beauty that still remains in this world
From the middle aged couple who
Lent a hand in the dead of night to the young cyclists
To the majesty of gliding into a valley
Huddled by the deep purple Olympic Mountains
When the evening cast its dark shadow over us
We settled beside the calm bay waters
It was an extraordinary voyage
Chronicling one hundred-sixty miles
Of what only a bike ride can truly do
Through a biting cold rain
We climbed a seemingly endless
Myriad of rolling hills
And when the clouds broke
And the sun shone over the valley –
There were still miles to go
Miles of unknown land
Miles of indefinite adventure
The time spent in solitude was daunting
And the aching in my heels was almost unbearable
To keep pedaling was painful
To stop was unthinkable
Because the true measure of a man’s spirit
Is how he responds to those trialing times –
Does he look back, or does he move forward?
It’s only by choosing to carry on
That he discovers the true kindness
And beauty that still remains in this world
From the middle aged couple who
Lent a hand in the dead of night to the young cyclists
To the majesty of gliding into a valley
Huddled by the deep purple Olympic Mountains
When the evening cast its dark shadow over us
We settled beside the calm bay waters
It was an extraordinary voyage
Chronicling one hundred-sixty miles
Of what only a bike ride can truly do