09-10-2013, 06:16 AM
I really thought you were talking metaphorically. That white space is much more interesting than the literal white space...
I can see waves (of course, if you vary line length, you're probably going to have waves) and a tombstone or burial plot.
If you're thinking of the first stanza as waves, you might want the wave to be lifting on "then, one big lift". The previous line is lifting, but you probably want a lift, longer line, on the actual word. Also if there is wave action in the poem, you probably want to switch the "rushed" to "rushes" but that will mess around with rhythm of the line.
If it's a tombstone, is it a fitting epitaph?
Though if you really want to contemplate the white space, what else do you want? I have seen people literally lift words out of sentences to show lifting action.
________________lift,
____________big_____and
and then, one ____________off you drift.
(of course, remove the ___)
I'm not suggesting you do that; some of that comes across to me a bit gimmicky. But also I've seen the "gimmicks" really work.
It's just that if you're thinking of the white space, there is a LOT MORE opportunity to use it.
another thought,
Bill
should have previewed first...didn't format at first.
I can see waves (of course, if you vary line length, you're probably going to have waves) and a tombstone or burial plot.
If you're thinking of the first stanza as waves, you might want the wave to be lifting on "then, one big lift". The previous line is lifting, but you probably want a lift, longer line, on the actual word. Also if there is wave action in the poem, you probably want to switch the "rushed" to "rushes" but that will mess around with rhythm of the line.
If it's a tombstone, is it a fitting epitaph?
Though if you really want to contemplate the white space, what else do you want? I have seen people literally lift words out of sentences to show lifting action.
________________lift,
____________big_____and
and then, one ____________off you drift.
(of course, remove the ___)
I'm not suggesting you do that; some of that comes across to me a bit gimmicky. But also I've seen the "gimmicks" really work.
It's just that if you're thinking of the white space, there is a LOT MORE opportunity to use it.
another thought,
Bill
should have previewed first...didn't format at first.