Judas Iscariot at Beachy Head [edit 1]

[Leanne]

Hello Eileen, I'm just going to address the revision and have deliberately not read prior comments, so forgive me if anything I say is redundant but I prefer to let such a glorious poem stand outside of any other opinions.

The chalk was quite done exploring -- this is a beautifully British and proper beginning, sounding a little like a schoolmarm, which works very well with the chalk
each little chapel of your lungs, -- a Catholic schoolmarm
clawing at your skin and drawing -- the rhyme is subtle and the meter is well controlled
a rudimentary alphabet upon your shattered cheeks. -- "rudimentary" breaks the rhythm for me and also, because I'm a little bit cheesy, I thought I'd suggest "an alphabet, basic upon your shattered cheeks" (which of course is probably just me being silly)
The briny wind had given you a good sniff,
like a starved rottweiler -- personally I'd remove "like" and give this metaphor status
stalking about your ruined flesh,
growling at the splintered gorges of your skin. -- the parallels with the land are strong here and very welcome, in a bit of an "ashes to ashes, dust to dust" sense
The kind sea rushed to embrace you,
her lips and fingers woven through your matted hair. -- for me, this is a little on the hackneyed side -- romance novels weave fingers through hair and give me instant cringe
Then, one big lift,
and off you drift - - -

And now you lie
full fathom five
with pearls for eyes.
And of your face -
no trace, no trace
of hunt or chase. -- this is a stunning stanza. The change of pace, the solid meter and rhyme are reminiscent of Tennyson and it's calling up all sorts of imagery for me

Your final lines
of white and red,
set in the chalk
at Beachy Head. -- another story written in chalk against chalk, lost but for the red that spells only the ending and no more of the life. This is tragic. I wonder though if you'd consider making this a two-line stanza to allow a contrast between it and the previous? It seems like it deserves to be more musing.

Very much enjoyed the subtlety and rich language herein. Thank you.