Judas Iscariot at Beachy Head [edit 1]

[Todd]

Hi Eileen,

I've come to this one late. Let me address the edit:

Edit 1:

The chalk was quite done exploring
each little chapel of your lungs,--beautiful language. What strikes me in the title is that perhaps the "son of perdition" was engaged in his final act of worship with his suicide. To make his lungs chapels is inspired. His breath leaving is his final act of worship.
clawing at your skin and drawing--The chalk was clawing much like fingers against a noose
a rudimentary alphabet upon your shattered cheeks.--Now we have the parallel death of throwing oneself off a cliff. I like the use of chalk as a means of drawing. Also the title makes me think of John 1:1 "In the beginning was the word..." It might be my odd associations but I think of double predestination and the futility that led to this course.
The briny wind had given you a good sniff,
like a starved rottweiler--love the simile. While I shy away from most adjectives briny is a great compact choice. Love the image here.
stalking about your ruined flesh,
growling at the splintered gorges of your skin.--gorges is interesting as it also implies the location of the act
The kind sea rushed to embrace you,--I am not fond of kind here. I also don't think you need "you" as your matted hair gets you to the same place with more economy.
her lips and fingers woven through your matted hair.--love the language choices here. I like the gentleness mixed with something truly awful.
Then, one big lift,
and off you drift - - -

And now you lie
full fathom five
with pearls for eyes.--nice rhythm throughout
And of your face -
no trace, no trace
of hunt or chase.--improvement over the original

Your final lines
of white and red,
set in the chalk
at Beachy Head.--Unlike you, I enjoyed the ending. I found it less gimmicky and more satisfying than the original.

A well put together piece. I enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd