09-09-2013, 03:06 PM
Thanks for the comments guys.
Re: "freshly cut fig", an allusion to Hesse' "Siddhartha", Kamala's lips are compared to a freshly cut fig, meaning both sets, the upper and the lower. I suppose I could have said "neon pink" but that seemed unnecessarily awkward. I felt the usage was both satiric and ironic.
Tom, it is true I generally do not do observational sketches in prose poetry, but I was lacking in sufficient energy to put it in my usual word turned querulous style.
I will make changes to the line as suggested as regards the last two lines in the first stanza.
"fat people" is an adjective.
Most other suggestion I will act upon.
Thanks again for the comments, I would discuss further but am a bit fatigued at the moment.
Dale
Re: "freshly cut fig", an allusion to Hesse' "Siddhartha", Kamala's lips are compared to a freshly cut fig, meaning both sets, the upper and the lower. I suppose I could have said "neon pink" but that seemed unnecessarily awkward. I felt the usage was both satiric and ironic.
Tom, it is true I generally do not do observational sketches in prose poetry, but I was lacking in sufficient energy to put it in my usual word turned querulous style.
I will make changes to the line as suggested as regards the last two lines in the first stanza.
"fat people" is an adjective.
Most other suggestion I will act upon.
Thanks again for the comments, I would discuss further but am a bit fatigued at the moment.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.