Madge - version dos

[btrudo]

Hot! Oil seeps out of the asphalt road;
cars make a sticky noise as they pass by,
sounding like fat people sex on a hot night.
At the bus stop is a woman with
overly-processed straw blond hair,
lipsticked lips like a freshly cut neon fig,
and deep crevices in pasty skin.
It makes me think her name must be
something like “Madge”.

She has probably done a year
or two in the prison they call jail.
A jail without any of the
Mayberry RFD homey qualities
where the town drunk sleeps it off,
then lets himself out in the morning.

She's obviously on the way to work,
wearing the ubiquitous medium-dark
brown knit knee length dress that serves
as the standard uniform
for servitors in such places
as the occupational cleaning industry
and chain cafeterias where they
monotonously repeat their zombie phrases
“hep ya”, “moe tea”, and “cum’gin”.

Through the visual heat distortion
swirling up from earth as convection oven
I can see her smoking a cigarette,
and I wonder how someone like her
can afford to smoke, when a pack cost
the equivalent two hours of work.
Well, I guess you find a way
when it is a matter of life and death!

©2013 -Erthona

I read this as rather bleak.
"fat people sex" "Madge" "ubiquitous medium-dark
brown knit knee length dress " "servitor" "zombie phrases" "wonder how...work"
This narrator very much dehumanizes the woman in this presumed portrait here, though it's just the narrator's words.

The idea of a serial killer or rapist would make sense if there was more sense of an actual stalking taking place here. If the stalking is trying to hinge on "life and death" that's simply not enough.

Right now, it reads like a very condescending person staring at someone at the bus stop. Does this shed light on how people view each other? Perhaps.

my thoughts,
Bill