a grave robbery.

[EileenGreay]

She finds herself next to him on a bed of white,
wearing his fingerprints
and listening to him breathe.
He has dirt under his fingernails tonight,
soil fresh and pungent as
he rakes the mess clean with her silence.



My first post here, so keep that in mind when you rip it apart. Also, I meant for the word 'grave' in the title to have double meaning (although I'm not particularly attached to it as a whole).

Well done, LittleOwl, I think this is really wonderful. What I would like to suggest, if you will allow me, is that you experiment a little with your use of punctuation. Imaginative use of punctuation could really tighten this up, and vary the pace and tone - though I think it requires very little work, it's really very good! If I were to punctuate this, here's what I might do (just to give you an idea):

She finds herself next to him on a bed of white,
wearing his fingerprints.
Listening to him breathe.
He has dirt under his fingernails tonight:
soil fresh and pungent.
He rakes the mess clean with her silence.

This is just my opinion, and I completely understand if you disregard it completely - it's just a tiny suggestion, and I'm impressed by the piece as it is.