09-05-2013, 10:36 PM
No real critique here, after revision the piece seems complete. For me, the content suggested a marriage on the rocks (I know that was not your intent) as it filtered through my own perceptions. In that light, I saw it as a tender eulogy from the partner that wants the relationship to live on.
"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite." - Paul Dirac (1902 - 1984)