09-05-2013, 01:57 AM
This comes out well. Only it seems a little too controlled. Like you're putting too much effort into it, when it would seem better if it at least appeared a bit effortless. I think it's pretty good. It feels like something is straining inside it, but it's covered up pretty smoothly. The body has a forceful enough drive, while the thoughts and feelings get whirled and drained by the wind and water. It handles that sticky stiffness of walking or standing in a cold, wet coat during a dark storm with its own kind of logic. You have your own ideas about what can be worked on. I don't have any ideas now. But I think it's a good path.