Divine Pursuit

[Todd]

Hi Elsie, welcome to the site!

Here are some comments for you:

It's like standing on a tiptoe stretching, --on tiptoes maybe
arm out pulling from shoulder, --feels like it should be "from the shoulder
five fingers grasping,
awkward tension straining visage,--Now the poem shifts from an image explaining divine pursuit to telling us things. "Awkward" is awkward. I think it slides away from the imagery here and gets bogged down. If you could move back from the interpretation and stick with showing through the image I think the poem would be stronger. Just my thoughts on this
just barely maintaining semblance of reason or purpose,
phantom image of warmth inherently residing beyond.

It's a cruel contraption of grand design,--same with this here. Just go with the original and fun seal image (okay I'm morbid)
flailing like baby seals, brains bashed on rocks,
cocked-eyebrows and masks of aromatically-scented arrogance,--this feels too telling and too contrived
revolting likeness--gulping--stomach turned, --whereas, I sort of like this halting line
tired of the world.--again a crisp image to sum up would likely be a stronger choice, something that conveys the sentiment.

I'm not sure if that's helpful, but I hope it is.

Best,

Todd