09-04-2013, 10:26 AM
Hi Elsie,
I must admit I stumbled a lot over the words in this poem. The punctuation just adds to the confusion.
Did you mean standing on tiptoes and stretching an arm out which pulls from the shoulder? If so, I think some commas need to be moved around. For me, it makes more sense if it was something like:
"It's like standing on tiptoes,
stretching arm(s) out, pulling from the shoulder(s),"
You could mean 'stretching out on tiptoes with arms pulling from shoulders'. If so, I still think the punctuation and words should be changed some.
I like the baby seal part in the second stanza, but once again the punctuation and wording confused me. Might just be me though.
JMHO of course.
Best,
LB
I must admit I stumbled a lot over the words in this poem. The punctuation just adds to the confusion.
Did you mean standing on tiptoes and stretching an arm out which pulls from the shoulder? If so, I think some commas need to be moved around. For me, it makes more sense if it was something like:
"It's like standing on tiptoes,
stretching arm(s) out, pulling from the shoulder(s),"
You could mean 'stretching out on tiptoes with arms pulling from shoulders'. If so, I still think the punctuation and words should be changed some.
I like the baby seal part in the second stanza, but once again the punctuation and wording confused me. Might just be me though.
JMHO of course.
Best,
LB