09-04-2013, 06:56 AM
Wow, thanks for the comprehensive critique! I will re-read and attempt to re-work the poem with your suggested edits and see what happens. I am humbled and sincerely appreciative of your digging into my poem. I see your criticisms - archaic can be strange in these times. I just absolutely LOVE Hardy and he was clearly on my mind when I wrote this.
As a note, I was using the word "haply" in an attempt to capture the movement of the speaker - stuck in a rainstorm and sort of fumbling around just to get to the barn and get out of the sudden storm. I figured "by chance" sort of fit in that regard. The meter in that line also changes (from 6 to 7, to literally "jar" the reader as the speaker does not fit in with the weather's duet). Apparently, my use of that word didn't go over the way I wanted it to...=] Oh well!
Thank you very much.
As a note, I was using the word "haply" in an attempt to capture the movement of the speaker - stuck in a rainstorm and sort of fumbling around just to get to the barn and get out of the sudden storm. I figured "by chance" sort of fit in that regard. The meter in that line also changes (from 6 to 7, to literally "jar" the reader as the speaker does not fit in with the weather's duet). Apparently, my use of that word didn't go over the way I wanted it to...=] Oh well!
Thank you very much.
-betalife