09-04-2013, 05:59 AM
Okay, someone else said they didn't like spat x 2 but I LOVE it. It really hits you between the eyes - "man, this tree has been around the block." I vote you leave it in line 2. =] (Also love the phrase "sun cycles" - you really capture the repetitiveness this tree has lived through) It reminds me of Frost's "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening" (And miles to go before I sleep / And miles to go before I sleep). I think that's an excellent use of repetition as a rhetorical device.
"Pheasants hung like,
Salem heretics.
Aging game left uneaten"
^ My favorite part of the poem. It's a great image. I'm thinking, though - when I think of the Salem witch trials, I think about burning at the stake, too. Can you work in "burning" somehow in that image? Your call. Just a suggestion to make your historic allusion go a bit deeper and hit a bit harder. Regardless, that's my favorite part of your poem.
Nice work. =]
"Pheasants hung like,
Salem heretics.
Aging game left uneaten"
^ My favorite part of the poem. It's a great image. I'm thinking, though - when I think of the Salem witch trials, I think about burning at the stake, too. Can you work in "burning" somehow in that image? Your call. Just a suggestion to make your historic allusion go a bit deeper and hit a bit harder. Regardless, that's my favorite part of your poem.
Nice work. =]
-betalife