09-03-2013, 03:24 PM
Hi TOMH
Good title and strong visual story line.
A daft thought that came to me was that I saw another oportunity to offer a childs food in the 3rd stanza 3rd line. When I read "He did have the balls" my instant thought was of those little chicken kievs for kids. and I wanted the line to read "He didn't like chicken balls" (But not sure if it is common useage to call them chicken balls or if it was just my kids).
Enjoyed the read. Think perhaps this one needs a bit of adjustment with the comma / period use. (partic 1st stanza) Like the words used, just think needs smoothing.
All the best AJ.
Good title and strong visual story line.
A daft thought that came to me was that I saw another oportunity to offer a childs food in the 3rd stanza 3rd line. When I read "He did have the balls" my instant thought was of those little chicken kievs for kids. and I wanted the line to read "He didn't like chicken balls" (But not sure if it is common useage to call them chicken balls or if it was just my kids).
Enjoyed the read. Think perhaps this one needs a bit of adjustment with the comma / period use. (partic 1st stanza) Like the words used, just think needs smoothing.
All the best AJ.