Tin Woodman

[allykat727]

Interesting read!!

His heart wasn't a quick fix
every tear turned him closer to rust. very creative, drew me into the piece immediately

My mom had cast a spell on him,
for her he chopped off his legs
his arms
his head
and split his torso in two. I noticed Dale's critique on this stanza and agree with his revisions.

He said "you're too skinny, and your face is like paper,
you look like you're dead
and I think you scare people,
because you look them in the eye and you don't smile." I love how blunt this is. I can sense the character of the person speaking.

I said "at least I still have my self,
you're like an etch-a-sketch, always shaking yourself up
and starting over." I love it! What an unconventional way to describe a person, and yet, very creative
But the point was lost on him,
there was nothing for it to sink into.

Then one day, he lost his oil can and froze for a year,
and when he was free, he threw away his job, his family, his savings
and went to Missouri to find a new heart.

I could have told him it was a mistake.
He should rip it out
he should have stayed frozen.
What good is a heart
when you don't know what to do with it? I think you can do more with this stanza. I like all of the ideas there, ripping your own heart out, staying frozen, not having a use for your heart. I would have liked to see some more imagery and creativity as this is the crux of the meaning that the piece holds.

Thanks! Good work