parts

[casper-zakelijk]

I really like the idea of it, but I think you can do more with it. For example, if you would write it in a more consistent structure, the reader will read it in a rhythm, which can make the entire poem sound a lot better. For this you can also use several of poetic tools, of which the simplest, I think, is (end) rhyme. It's a good poem, a good idea, but for now you might want to imporve the structure.