To Have And To Hold - Edit 1

[makeshift]

Written on January 4, 2007, I am bringing this poem here to get help on the technique, imagery and the structure. I have been away for a while, but I am back to get some of the valuable feedback I have received in the past.

Dusk is consuming the space around,
Silence heard and not a sound, I agree with Volaticus this feels redundant
In the trees, in the grass, and in the sky,
The last signs of life, lie. foreboding stanza :p

Outlines take a stronger define,
Just the silhouettes,and the lines.
Trails of a day, oblivious movements, I like "Trails of a day"
Rest, Contemplation and Reassurance.

Waiting eyes, a peaceful smile,
Restless glance spans the miles.
No promises, no expectations,
Just faith and determination. It would be nice if you could illustrate faith and determination as opposed just writing out the words, same with rest, contemplation and reassurance in the previous line

She holds the light to my arrival,
And I pray for my survival.
Just to be with her one last time,
Hold her close to me, she’s mine.

A need, she doesn’t deny,
Yet doesn’t crave for my,
Embrace, that would mean I am there,
And says “As long as I am in her heart,
She doesn’t care.”

Touch of her skin I do crave,
But there isn’t much you can do,
From behind the grave.
I wish, I was there.

Haunting love poem ^_^ I think beyond all else I'd just focus on making some of rhymed lines sound more natural. Thnx for sharing.