As The Floor Disappears

[Larissa]

Creating an obstacle course, (I would like a more visceral image of the obstacle course, there is so much you can do with this. You could be tripping over objects that symbolize the meaning in the poem. I know it has serious potential. I'm interested in finding out what of potential.

Try to find solid ground,
To place my feet down,
I would eliminate the word down for no other reason than it serves no function except rhyme and the rhyme doesn't do anything for this particular line. It's descriptive, somewhat inconsequential. There is no reason to emphasize it.

And leave nothing broken.
I found this line interested because it made me think of walking on eggshells. I don't know if that's what this poem is about. I think you need to choose a direction and fully commit to it.

A sea of discarded ideas,
Wading through a lack of time,
This line initially takes me in a different direction, that the world moves to fast and you don't have the time for your ideas to flourish. Again, it could be an abusive relationship where all of your ideas are discarded by an abuser, this is where I would like to see more direction in terms of meaning.

I see my stress surround me,
As the floor disappears.
I like this idea but I would like to see what the stress looks like. Turn it into something tangible and experiential. What are you falling into when the floor disappears. I think this poem is going to be great when you are finished with it. It's short and simple which is a great start I would like to see more tangible symbolism.

Thanks, this is good feedback. Has definitely sparked ideas for an edit.