08-27-2013, 07:27 AM
Hi,
I think the first line sets the tone of the poem well. But around who? Or what?
Half of the next line "Silence heard and not a sound," is redundant. You say the same, just in two different ways.
Watch out for forced rhymes. An example:
"Touch of her skin I do crave,
But there isn’t much you can do,
From behind the grave.
I wish, I was there."
The first line sounds awkward, I guess because you needed it to rhyme with "grave". If a rhyme has to be forced, I'd suggest searching for other rhymes.
I hope this was of any help and all is of course JMHO.
Best,
LB
I think the first line sets the tone of the poem well. But around who? Or what?
Half of the next line "Silence heard and not a sound," is redundant. You say the same, just in two different ways.
Watch out for forced rhymes. An example:
"Touch of her skin I do crave,
But there isn’t much you can do,
From behind the grave.
I wish, I was there."
The first line sounds awkward, I guess because you needed it to rhyme with "grave". If a rhyme has to be forced, I'd suggest searching for other rhymes.
I hope this was of any help and all is of course JMHO.
Best,
LB