'Neath Golden Flames

[metalfan91]

'Neath Golden Flames Bronzen Shields Clash
Blood Flows As Rivers, Pierced Rippling Flesh
Armors Bathed In Gleaming Light
Embrace The Winter Sky

Journey Vast Journey Well
Conquer All With Sword And Spell

On Journey To Skies Leaving Earthly Realms Behind
Cosmic Planes Await Free From Time
To See What Is Real Remove The Human Veil
Worlds Of Light And Dark Together As One

Journey Vast Journey Well
From Unholy Depths To Glorious Valhall

Luminous...
Withering Shards Of Despair
Enlightened By Pulsing Beams Of Life

'Neath Golden Flames All Are Unmasked
Thought Pours As Rivers, From A Chalice Passed
Behold The Truth...
Take Hold Of Your Mind

Hello metalf,
A this is posted in mild crit it will get mild crit. Putting it mildly, this reads like the outer box of a video game, giving a sensationalised indication of what one can expect to find within. Suitable for ages 5-8 years.
Putting it mildly, if there was some point to the pointless capitalising I could see the point but what is the point?
Putting it mildly, the complete lack of ANY informative punctuation makes the piece read as utter nonsense. But for one comma, repeated in S1 and S6 there is no other evidence that you CAN punctuate...indeed, on the evidence of these two commas, you can not.
Putting it mildly, I saw no depth whatsoever in this and so feel unable to comment on the conceptual construct. That may well be a lack on my part but I am over 8 years old and so, perhaps, can be excused.
Putting it mildly...
Best,
tectak
Note! You know some words. Perhaps you could write a poem?
....and by the way, do try to be a little more courteous in your response to those who have commented on your effort. Even in mild crit the reader is TRYING to help you...as, indeed, am I. With all due respect is open to misinterpretation.
mod.

First, I apologize if I came off as being discourteous. I'm still not sure of the etiquette on this forum nor how much feedback I should expect in mild crit, if any at all. There is no point to the capitalization, purely pleasing to my eyes, and I wrongly assumed it is pleasing to yours. I'll see how it looks without all the caps. I didn't feel much punctuation was needed, so that's why I did that. I'm still not sure what is expected of poetry here, but it seems more rigid than other forums. That is in no way intended as a slight to this forum, just an observation. As for the 5-8 years comment, very funny.

Thanks for your thoughts,

Daniel