08-26-2013, 05:11 PM
Hi Bunx,
Sorry but your edit has not really done anything to improve the poem. I think it might have got worse in fact as now you have butchered the grammar whilst making your changes.
The promised "went with the alliteration for every stanza" is just not there.
So sorry for the delay in getting back to you on this one, if I am honest it is because your approach to writing / editing is somewhat frustrating to sit in on. I notice a repeating pattern of behaviour and I'm wondering what you want to get out of the site and from posting your poems. Please take or leave the following comments as you like. I am not trying to be snippy or in anyway detract from your pleasure of writing. But would genuinly like to try and understand where you are comming from and try to help if I can with some advise.
If I go back to this poem for my example.
I found a lot to like by way of promise and ideas in your original. As this was in the misc I only offered a couple of thoughts for you to take or leave. You come back with a edit - great...and told me you had gone with the suggestions (to make the two halves of the poem match) and added in further alliteration. When I read your edit I am left with a couple of conclusions. Either you did not understand my offered referance to alliteration. You are making fun of the offered advise by referancing it when it has been rejected, or (and i am thinking this is the most likely from looking at your other posts and replies) you are in such a tearing hurry all the time that you never really stop and take in any of the details either of what you are writing or what others are offering by way of advise.
Here is my two penny worth of advise. JMHO take it or leave it.
Slow down Man!
I see that Billy is working with you in the mentoring sections on a poem.
My advise would be to take some time out from all of these other postings that you are doing similtaniously and really try to focus on working on just one poem at a time.
It is an amazing opportunity to be offered the time and experiance of another poet and Billy is generous to a fault with his time and commitment to helping other poets. Make the most of it.
Give Billy the respect he deserves and do yourself a favour at the same time, (If you really want to improve your poetry)... Slow down, listen to the advise, ask questions if you don't get it.
All the best AJ.
Sorry but your edit has not really done anything to improve the poem. I think it might have got worse in fact as now you have butchered the grammar whilst making your changes.
The promised "went with the alliteration for every stanza" is just not there.
So sorry for the delay in getting back to you on this one, if I am honest it is because your approach to writing / editing is somewhat frustrating to sit in on. I notice a repeating pattern of behaviour and I'm wondering what you want to get out of the site and from posting your poems. Please take or leave the following comments as you like. I am not trying to be snippy or in anyway detract from your pleasure of writing. But would genuinly like to try and understand where you are comming from and try to help if I can with some advise.
If I go back to this poem for my example.
I found a lot to like by way of promise and ideas in your original. As this was in the misc I only offered a couple of thoughts for you to take or leave. You come back with a edit - great...and told me you had gone with the suggestions (to make the two halves of the poem match) and added in further alliteration. When I read your edit I am left with a couple of conclusions. Either you did not understand my offered referance to alliteration. You are making fun of the offered advise by referancing it when it has been rejected, or (and i am thinking this is the most likely from looking at your other posts and replies) you are in such a tearing hurry all the time that you never really stop and take in any of the details either of what you are writing or what others are offering by way of advise.
Here is my two penny worth of advise. JMHO take it or leave it.
Slow down Man!
I see that Billy is working with you in the mentoring sections on a poem.
My advise would be to take some time out from all of these other postings that you are doing similtaniously and really try to focus on working on just one poem at a time.
It is an amazing opportunity to be offered the time and experiance of another poet and Billy is generous to a fault with his time and commitment to helping other poets. Make the most of it.
Give Billy the respect he deserves and do yourself a favour at the same time, (If you really want to improve your poetry)... Slow down, listen to the advise, ask questions if you don't get it.
All the best AJ.