Missing Woman

[ChristopherSea]

version 2.5

I can't hear your music, while driving my car,
no ballads or Mozart, just metal roar.
Fresh alpine scents are former memories;
your bears, that dwelt on my dashboard, are gone.

I don’t hear the rhythm of your high heels,
my majorette's march across hardwood floor.
There’s no trace of makeup on my lapels
and your stray blonde hairs are not on my suit.

I long for our silly wrestling matches
for dominion of the remote control;
then there’s our bedcovers great tug-of-war,
with you triumphant in your sea of sheets.

Your nylon stocking festoons have vanished,
but a mildewed shower curtain remains.
Sweet songs don't sing from the harsh sprays within
and the tile floor craves your lingerie’s touch.

I have yearned and prayed, then dreamt that I might
gaze at you shaving your legs one more time.
My mirror’s dim, the silver’s oxidized;
I shall never see you dance there again.

Today I'll bring you your beloved mums
and I’ve written a new poem to read.
I hope you hear me when I speak to you
and feel the warmth of my hand on your stone.

tru edits version 2.5

This was a challenge from my wife to write something more emotinally charged

That's much smoother, but I would spend a day or so on it now getting it organized, and seeing if you can establish a pattern for your sonics.

Here are some great examples for quatrains:

http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/242972
http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/242974

If something like that doesn't work for you, then you could try abandoning end rhyme sounds altogether, and add some internal sonic recurrences for rhythm (assonance/consonance, and just allow the line end sounds to echo these, but I think it's worth a try to see if you can utilize some of the formal elements of poetry for this, because you are already close, and this poem is perfect for it, IMO.

Thank for your help, the advice and those links my friend!